Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
