i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
