when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
