you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
