dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
