i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
