hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
babies were throwing up all over the place
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
