she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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