Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
