I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
