Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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