ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
