One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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