We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
