walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
