If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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