Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
