So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
