Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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