Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
