Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
