Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
