I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
