Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
