Buhtt sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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