so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
