i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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