your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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