loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
