i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
