Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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