i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
