i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
