u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
