He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
