I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
