Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
