I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
