I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
