I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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