You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
