She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
