is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
only you would photoshop your dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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