...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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