They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize