dude i'm inner monologue high
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize