There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're my little dorito
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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