the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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