We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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