He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
