Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that's an acceptable place to lick
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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