You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
