Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
