I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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