It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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