Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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