I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
