This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will be naked everywhere
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
