My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
