she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
