so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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