So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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