I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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