hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
