My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
