I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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