Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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