My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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