i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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