DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
