I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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